May 17, 2026

I'M WORRIED THAT I AM MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE

My little sister's graduation from highschool is coming up, and I've decided to accept a ride from my estranged parent in order to go to another state, so that I can visit her & see her graduation. Its honestly very scary. My parents are going to call me sir, insult me, and disrespect me as much as possible. I will be transported to a world where people like me are the source of all of society's problems. They will treat me like dirt, remind me that I'm homeless, and offer me "help" in the form help is always offered - an ultimatum of compliance or pain. I'm very concerned that my parents will change their minds about giving me a ride back to Pittsburgh. Maybe they will involuntarilly commit me to a mental ward again, or send me to rehab for a drug problem I don't have and have never had. I feel intensley that I am making a mistake, but it's been so long since I have seen my sister.

I love her so much. I hope she understands just how much I love her. When I had a highschool graduation ceremony a decade plus ago, I thought it was stupid - a waste of time. For me it really was. Idk why but I feel very excited to see a milestone in my sisters life. Every day I'm afraid I will die or be imprisoned before I see her again. This might actually be the last time I ever see her.

My graffiti got posted on an instagram page some mystery person runs yet again. It made me feel good to be acknowledged by people I won't ever meet. The graff was about being trans and homeless, so most of the comments made fun of me, dismissed me, said I was gonna kill myself, or argued with someone. That really hurt.

I'm not going to kill myself, and I don't want to anymore. My life is better now, even if its really really hard. My parents won't ever understand that. If they try to confine me then I will escape. I will walk back to Pittsburgh if I have to. No cage will contain me. No chain will bind me.